D-day approaches....

The 2 week wait is almost over. I test for the betaHcg tomorrow. Wonder what the results will be. A positive would be wonderful news, but if its a negative, then I am not going to crash and weep myself silly. I shall take it as just one more thing in my stride. We are in any case going to file for adoption post march next year( when we shall complete 5 years of marriage which is a requirement for adoption in India) and will file papers right away.

I spoke to subu yesterday and that has given me immense hope . She had some great news- her bro and SIL have adopted a baby girl yesterday!! They had been trying for a baby for the past 10 years or so I guess w/o luck; adoption as an alternative had not been considered by them, but when the parents brought it up, they decided to go along and the whole process has been completed in a matter of a few months. And are they THRILLED. And was i thrilled too!!!! Its great news and fills me with hope that when so many are adopting, we will be successful and it won't be too long a process. WE PLAN TO ADOPT WITH OR WITHOUT A BIOLOGICAL BABY OF OURS. which means that irrespective of tomorrows test we WILL file for adoption. So this means that by end of 2009, there SHALL be at least one child at home!! The very idea and thought is so thrilling and reassuring.And maybe with a bit of luck we'll have more than one child at home......God Willing!

How do I feel mentally at this point? well I really do not know.yesterday afternoon onwards I was feeling almost euphoric. That mood did not diminish into a low feeling, rather did last until bedtime. today I feel normal, not too +ve or _ve. In fact I feel the need to be busy constantly. My tiredness had decreased a bit yesterday but I have a dull niggling backache and tiredness today. I have been more active today  than I have been the past few days, but its not REALLY active in the sense that I have not done much physical running around. Just been arranging some papers and updating accounts and files- things that require a little bit of walking from room to room and a fair amount of typing on the laptop. But this has me winded now. The heartburn stuff has reduced today.Anyway whatever is happening Will be cleared by tomorrow. 

I think more than any other emotion, I shall feel relief that finally we have an answer. I have booked tickets for a movie tomorrow evening and plan to meet some friends for lunch on Sunday. will NOT brood if the result is negative and will celebrate with caution if the result is positive.