If tomorrow comes......

Ok, so the D-day is tomorrow.....and I have been feeling an increasing sense of fear since yesterday- fear of the procedure tomorrow- what if it hurts?/ what if i am unable to be back to normal ASAP?/ what if I am too sick to travel back home the next day?...so many what if's....and then, what if at the end of it all, this does not result in success?/ what if i find that all this has been in vain?....so many what if's!!!!

I have been reading up on the ET process and the 2 week wait period thereafter until one gets to know for sure, and I find that there is just no one way that women feel/act/think about/behave etc during this period. There is just no standard answer or way of feeling or way of thngs happening. What IS certain is the UNCERTAINITY and the fact that ANYTHING and EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE......not a bad thought at all.

M is very chilled out about it all and says I should not be apprehensive at all since Dr.P is handling it all, so just go with him and trust him. And if this does not result in our expected level of 'success', then well- too bad but its not the end of the world; what to do next we'll think about when we have to think about. In my earlier avatar, I guess I would have begrudged him this kind of attitude, saying that he is acting callous, that he doesn't care what happens to me, that he does not care for ME.....:) But post-LMF, I can better appreciate this attitude and I know and understand that this is the right kind of attitude to have. It really should not matter what happens, what matters is that we tried it at least once so that we will never have any regrets or "what-if" moments in the future- if EVER!! :))

So I have decided on certain things;-

1) I shall be 100% positive and not be unnecessarily scared about things. I shall NOT expect to be jumping around shortly after the procedure- not even by late evening. If i feel a little unwell, its OK- it happens. NOT get scared by any bleeding etc. DO NOT PANIC!!!!
2) Strictly NO CRYING prior to the procedure not POST it!!!! Focus on feeling fine soon and going home on saturday.
3)I shall treat myself with kindness and love not keep blaming myself for everything and punishing myself.
4)I shall take good care of myself,eat well and healthy, talk to people who put a smile on my face, read a LOT, go for walks, re-decorate the house but do not overstrain myself.
5) NO Home pregnancy tests, blood tests etc before the 5th of NOVEMBER . HAVE patience!
6) I shall not drive M over the top with my fears and tensions
7) I shall divert mind by getting down to a serious job search as well as explore the partnership options with P.
8) I shall take enough rest and listen to good music, watch some good movies etc.
9) I shall work on reviving my garden.
10) I shall work on building better relationships with Apa, Maa, Litu and Lulubhai.
11) I shall prepare for a gorgeous Diwali.

I am my WORD and I shall honour everything of what I say.